The First Rule Is: You Do Not Talk About Fight Club

Track/Stream: The Dust Brothers - This Is Your Life

Crazy freaking morning. In the spirit of the movie being filmed in front of my building, I will attempt to describe it "script style".

In tonight's performance...

• The role of Hero will be played by Paul
• The role of Damsel will be played by Lynda
• The role of Villain will be played by Some Fat Italian Guy

Scene 1 Interior - Apartment Bedroom. Early morning, Hero and Damsel are waking up. [Scene deleted by censors] Scene 2 Exterior - Apartment Building. Car out front has hood up. Hero and Damsel are trying to start it.
Hero:	It's got some power
Damsel:	But it's not starting
Hero:	Let's go get some jumper cables and jump it
Damsel:	You have some in your car, right?
Hero:	Yeah
[Hero and Damsel close and lock car, retrieve jumper cables from Hero's car, and return]
Hero:	Excuse me, would you mind helping us jump our car? It'll just take a second
Random Guy:	Sure, let me pull my truck up
Random Cop:	[Blasts Siren] Move your truck
Random Guy:	I'm just giving him a jump
Random Cop:	...
Random Guy:	...
[Random Guy moves car. Random Guy and Hero attach jumper cables and car comes to life]
Hero:	I'm sorry you're so late. I promise your day will get better
Damsel:	I hope so. I love you
Hero:	I love you too. Bye
[Little does our Damsel suspect that waiting for her at work should be a lovely bouquet of flowers] Scene 3 Interior - Starbucks. Several people are gathered around milk/sugar table
Villain:	[Incredibly racist slur against someone at other end of table]
Hero:	Dude, you need a major attitude adjustment
Villain:	[Incredibly racist slur about what the Villain assumes the Hero does with people of the same race as someone at other end of table]
Hero:	No, but I'm not a [Racist slur about what the Hero also doesn't do with people of the same race as the Villain]
[Villain throws a punch at the Hero's face. Hero narrowly dodges and returns with a right to the Villain's kidney. Starbucks patrons and employees rush in and grab both Hero and Villain.]
Villain:	Fuck you, you [long stream of racist slurs]
Hero:	Whatever
[Hero picks up coffee and muffin, walks to subway station (watching behind himself the whole way). Gets on a train and collapses into seat shaking violently]

So that's the day so far. Scary, crazy, freaky shit.