Titty-Bar Studies

Track/Stream: Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes

So one of my friends (who would probably rather remain nameless) is in a massive funk today. I'm not talking funky, just in a funk. So we're going to the Flatiron Lounge for drinks and conversation. Personally, I don't think this is the best idea. I think the guy needs to go to a titty-bar, but he isn't interested (which, of course, is the number one sign that you need to go to a titty-bar).

This prompted a discussion with another friend (who would also rather remain nameless, but it was Chris) claiming that it is titty-bar season (when isn't it titty-bar season?) and that we should visit one.

Of course you don't want to go to a titty-bar when all the other perverts are there. For that reason, we propose a government grant for us to investigate which days are ideal for visiting titty-bars in various parts of the city. We figure we can do a complete study with a grant of about $25,000........ in singles.

Anyway, we figure we'll get some preliminary research in, starting early next week (we expect Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to be ideal) to give our grant proposal some extra heft.