Donna's Rugrat

Track/Stream: Paul Van Dyk - Vega

Donna's little kid was running around the office yesterday. I think he's like 10. I don't know if we started hiring 10 year old programmers (they'd probably be better than most of the ones we already have) or it was Take Your Brat to Work day. Probably the latter.

So because I happen to have some of the more esoteric (and therefore attractive to small children) cube toys, he decided that I was his new best friend. This friendship went through several. First I ignored him. Then I neglected him. This was followed with a rapid succession of dismissing, disregarding, and evasion.

At that point I realized that I needed a new approach. I recognized that most of the office was still mimicking my earlier attempts and were still in various phases where the took no heed of his actions. So I had him start stealing me soda and water from various VP offices. I'm set for the next few weeks in all of my beverage needs.

After this his usefulness dwindled, but the problem remained. I decided the best defense was going to be a good offense. I tried to scare him off with knowledge, but that was fruitless. He just stared at me and nodded until I stopped talking and put my headphones back on. I think he kept staring and nodding. I'm not terribly sure.

Clearly the kid was not to be deterred. I soon realized I was misdirecting my offense. I could have just gone to his mother and ask that she keep her child in check, but that seemed rude. At this point the boy himself provided inspiration in the form of a plastic watergun he threatened to shoot me with. I simply explained to him that waterguns were for wimps. Real men fill their waterguns with ketchup.

So today when Donna was passing out paychecks, she refused to give me my envelope.

Pfffffttttt. I get direct deposit anyway.