mom. so you and lynda will be here next week.
me. yeah
mom. you?re not... engaged, are you?
me. no, of course not
mom. well, I don?t know. that?s what I thought, but one of coworkers asked, and you?re a secretive person...
me. well, I?m not married
mom. ok... are you going to ask her while you?re out here?
me. no
mom. alright, alright, I?m just asking. were you thinking of january or february.
me. yeah, somewhere in there
mom. so you?d get married next fall?
me. no, I think it?ll be the following spring.
mom. so an 0-7 wedding
me. yeah
mom. ... you?re not married already, are you?
me. of course not. I think I?d tell my own mother when I?m getting married.
mom. alright, just checking

New York's Finest

Walking into the train station I saw, for the first time, police officers checking people's bags. Honestly, I know we're supposed to be all scared of "Terrorism n' Stuff"©, but this is ridiculous.

I want to "fight back", but I don't know an appropriate way to do it.

I could complain to the cops. This really doesn't accomplish anything. They're just following orders. I am pretty sure they don't want to check for illicit items in everyone's bags.

I could resist the cops. Best case scenario... I can't take the subway. Worst case scenario... lockdown.

I could subvert the cops. I don't know how effective this would be, but it could be hugely. The idea is to bring a bag with a lot of stuff, so they grab you and have to spend a few seconds. Then, while they're searching (or immediately afterward) ask them why they became a cop. Say whatever you can to draw them in, then drop hints that make them see that this isn't why they joined.

I could take my transportation business elsewhere. I don't think this is economically viable. Plus, I doubt some MTA exec is going to say "oh shit, Paul isn't riding the subway anymore. We're doomed. Dooooooooooomed." and I really can't see many New Yorkers doing this.

Sigh

A Modern Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a handsome young prince. This prince had been invited to a celebration thrown by the wise king and beautiful queen of the land.

The prince could barely contain his excitement. He decided that, as a show of gratitude, he would prepare a course of home-made french fries to go with the king and queen's barbecue.

The party began, and the prince regaled everyone with his french fries, to great success.

Unfortunatey, an evil enchantress named Cuervo was also invited to this party. Secretly, during the party, the enchantress Cuervo cast a spell over the young prince. This enchantment prevented made the prince act in funny ways, and made the young damsels of the land look more attractive than they actually were.

Suddenly, on one of his trips to the castle kitchens to retrieve more food, the prince accidentally spilled some of the oil out of the fryer he was using to make the fries.

In his enchanted state, the prince wanted to make sure nobody would slip, but he didn't want to actually clean up the mess, or tell the king or queen so they could do it. So instead, the enchantment caused him to pour salt all over the kitchen floor, hoping this would prevent people from slipping.

Eventually, the king and queen entered the kitchen and realized something was amiss. When they realized the floor was covered in salt, they assumed it had been an accident and cleaned it up properly themselves.

The prince saw the king and queen working hard to clean and became enraged, because they were cleaning up the mess he had worked so hard to create. Once the king and queen finished cleaning up, the prince took the salt and poured it all over the floor, to re-create this mess.

The king and queen saw this and gave up for the evening. After the party they went to sleep and cleaned up Mike's.... uh.... I mean the prince's mess the next morning.

Damn prince.