Mike Mike Mike

Track/Stream: Franz Ferdinand - 40'

So Mike goes and disobeys my orders. I don't even know where to begin describing how fucked up this guy's relationships have been. He's a lawyer upstate, and just to give you a rough idea of his personality, he cheated on his girlfriend the night before his ethics exam (linked for his information).

His other problem is that he's a total woman about his issues. He calls his female friends and complains and tries to get their help on how to fix it. He's probably in a nighty on his sofa eating ice cream and watching Sex In The City too.

So he was cheating on this girl with this other girl. And he's cheating on the other girl with this other other girl. The girl was just some chick he's dating. The other girl is the opposing counsel on the vast majority of his cases, and the other other girl is a client of his.

Fucked Up with a capital "Up".

I told him he needs to lay off the womens and recognize that he can be his own person. Otherwise he's going to drown himself in relationships and end up with some woman who totally dominates him (and who he cheats on). To that end he needs to end his relationship and stop sleeping around for a bit. But I gave him a little leeway. I told him he can keep sleeping with the other chick (not the other other chick), just because she's asian, and asian women are hot. However, he could not do anything boyfriend-like.

So I get this email from him (editor's comments are in red italics)

[T]he asian goes out of town for the weekend, back to her parents' place (which gave Mike a chance to nail the other other chick). She returns on Monday night. Now, while I was at my Mom's over the weekend, I got an easter basket all prepared for her- the whole nine: grass, candy, plastic eggs with more candy in them, real hard
boiled eggs which my niece and nephew made (this isn't the kind of thing a boyfriend would do. Nooooooooo). So, yesterday morning, I take this basket, and go buy some spring flowers (oh dear god) to make the basket look bigger (he's worried about size, hee hee), and bring these over to her house in the morning before she leaves for work. Being that this was in celebration of easter, I left her this note which said:

"Kelly, It took me two days to finally track you down (Easter Bunny Reference). Who would have thought you'd be in [City]! I hope you still believe in me."

Signed: "E.B." (Again, Easter Bunny Reference)

(awwwww, he's so cute and mushy wooshy woo)

Well, at about 9:30 I get this call on the work phone from her:

Me:	Hello?
Her:	Did you stop by last night, or this morning and leave something here? (said with a very far away sound in her voice)
Me:	Maybe
Her:	Come on, just tell me if you did or not
Me:	Well, yeah,
Her:	And you left something here
Me:	Yeah
Her:	DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!

Apparantly, she left her house, preparing to go to work, and saw said easter basket on the porch, and read the note. She immediately feared for her life, and became almost violently ill. She called in sick to work, and was about to call the Police Department, because she thought that there was absolutely no way that I would have done this (Rightfully so), and that there must be some psycho ex-boyfriend stalking her because I said "tracked you down!"

Sigh. Why don't people ever listen to me?